Fitness

Running Mutiny

Today was test day.

The 2km test.

Run and/or walk as fast as possible for this distance. On the basis of my Coopers Test I was expecting to see a 12 minute plus time. Little did I know that Cris would take initial control of the speed buttons.

After an appropriate warm-up of cycling, flat running and stretching it was back on to the treadmill for the test.
So what does my beloved 👿 trainer do?
He sets the speed setting to 13+.
I mean to say !
I’m lucky if I can run short intervals at that speed, let alone a whole 2km.

After politely suggesting that he was joking, (between gasping breaths), I toughed it out as long as I could before an argument erupted between my legs, stomach and lungs as to which of them was actually suffering the most from this ridiculous speed.

In all fairness to my screaming body parts, they did pretty well. I was a reasonable way through the 2kms before they stopped complaining and started to indicate a full-scale mutiny. At this point I took control of the speed buttons. I think this was much to the disgust of the 👿 one.
But other than a slight sigh and a comment along the lines of “see how you feel in a bit and see if you can go faster”, I was left in charge of the buttons.
Woo hoo – Victory!

So, I reduced speed to stop the threatened mutiny. But I’m so easy to intimidate, that with the 👿 one looking at the onscreen display I only had the courage to drop into the 12 range. Oh, that’s right…
that’s what I pay him for… intimidation, ‘push past your limits’, no surrender.

The problem with this was, the mutiny was only put on hold. In fairly short time all screaming body parts realised that I was just offering up a small concession – perhaps an extra ration of rum, or a bit of extra shore leave after the hard work was done. They knew better. After the test would come the pretzel session (stretching), and that would almost be as bad as the test.

In the end the lungs won the hotly contested title of “King of the Mutineers”.
It looks suspiciously like I might be slightly asthmatic, and the feeling of not getting a full hit of oxygen with each breath is just a little off-putting while running at full tilt. This resulted in three more speed adjustments until at the end of 2km I was running at 10+ speed.

Apparently my lungs feel that they missed their true vocation – that of a traffic policeman. At certain speeds they kick in and insist that I am going over the legal limit, thank you very much.

This could prove to be a bit of a problem on my way to running sub-30 minute 5 kilometres. But we will persevere, mutineers, lung police and all.

And for the record, my 2km test time was 10m 52s.

Not too shabby, despite all the complaining, whining and general mutineering.
For those who like to know these things, that means my 👿 one ensured that this sorry excuse for a runner pushed her mutinous body through 2 kilometres at 5:26 per kilometre pace. A full 1 and a bit minutes less than her usual pedestrian speed!

And for the record, being turned into a human pretzel still hurts. Only today I was able to touch my left toe with my right hand (over the top of my head – side on, not straight on) , instead of my right toe with my left hand. (Remember, this is sitting on the floor with legs splayed apart!)
And I really need a snappy remark to throw out to the audience that is half-unbelieving, half-impressed by the fact that the only sounds out of my mouth while doing this feat go along the lines of:- “ow…ow…ouch…aaargh….aaaaargh”.
Am willing to take any suggestions.

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