Well you can’t have been pregnant then!
Gush all you want at the concept of “oooh, the baby’s kicking” until you have stray elbows, knees, feet, head and hands prodding, poking and generally stabbing at you from the inside. Then lets see how cutesy it is!
Okay, so it is cutesy. But not all the time and not just when you thought you had managed to get into a comfortable sleeping position.
For those first timers (like me) it becomes an interesting intellectual challenge to actually spot the first obvious movement. Was that gas? Is that just my lunch moving along?
Ooops, sorry. I should have warned you. Becoming pregnant has pretty much disintegrated any barrier to discussing bodily function, of any kind. I didn’t think I’d end up being like this – can I blame the hormones please?
Anyway, back to the stray elbows…
Our first sighting of Miss OhWailyWaily was at about 12 to 13 weeks, where I christened her “Bounce”. I know it’s not a gushy motherly nickname for a baby, but it was very, very descriptive. When you are that tiny, with that much space, it is very easy to put on a miniature Cirque du Soleil performance for the ultrasound. And she did.
Now as space is getting tighter, she still feels the need to perform acrobatics while she can. Unfortunately for me this often occurs around bedtime, and she is apparently not quite as agile in a smaller environment – hence the elbow to my side and the foot to my bladder.
I am also becoming convinced that the odd poke and prod is designed specifically to get me to change my position so that she can have more room. Either that or she is practicing her trampoline routine using my insides for the purpose.
I am reliably informed that this will only get worse as she gets bigger. Oh Joy!
And, being the bookworm that I am, I have also read that an energetic baby can manage to crack your ribs with a well timed and placed kick.
Did I mention that Madam is energetic and proddy? Hmm, I’m keeping my fingers crossed for my innards to make it through in one piece.
So the next time someone tells you their baby is kicking, feel free to be gushy but keep a faded and slightly ghostly image of the Alien trying to emerge from John Hurt’s stomach in the back of your mind.
Welcome to the Motherhood !